Breaking the Chains of Trauma Bonds: A Path Toward Healing and Freedom
There’s a kind of pain that doesn’t always leave visible scars, but it lingers in the quiet spaces of our lives — in the nervous system, in the heart, and in the choices we make long after the trauma has passed. It’s the ache of a trauma bond — a powerful emotional attachment formed in the context of abuse, chaos, or manipulation.
If you’ve found yourself stuck in a cycle of leaving and returning, loving and fearing, hoping and hurting… you are not alone. 🤍
🧠💔🔗What Is a Trauma Bond?
A trauma bond is a psychological response to abuse where the victim forms a deep emotional connection with their abuser. It often occurs in relationships marked by intermittent reinforcement — periods of cruelty or neglect followed by affection, apologies, or promises of change.
This push-pull dynamic creates confusion, dependency, and a distorted sense of love. The nervous system becomes wired to expect instability, and the body confuses adrenaline for connection. ⚡
🌪️How It Forms
Trauma bonds don’t appear overnight. They build over time, through cycles of:
🌟 Idealization: The relationship begins with intense love, affection, or admiration. You feel seen, safe, chosen.
🧨 Devaluation: Slowly, emotional, verbal, or physical abuse creeps in. You may be blamed, criticized, or ignored.
🎭 Reinforcement: Just when you consider leaving, the abuser showers you with affection again — reinforcing the hope that things will go back to the way they were.
💡 This is the hallmark of trauma bonding: the confusion of love with control.
😞Why It’s So Hard to Leave
People on the outside often ask, “Why didn’t you just leave?”
If only it were that simple.
Trauma bonds are neurologically and chemically reinforced. The body becomes addicted to the highs and lows — the rush of cortisol and dopamine. The nervous system is trained to expect chaos. Love becomes synonymous with emotional survival, and breaking away feels like severing a lifeline.
Other complicating factors:
🧸 Childhood wounds
🙏 Religious or cultural conditioning
💔 Fear of abandonment
👁️🗨️ Glimpses of the “good times”
🤝 Codependency or people-pleasing tendencies
Even after the relationship ends, the bond can linger. You may grieve the fantasy more than the reality.
🌿My Own Journey
I’ve been there.
I’ve stayed when I should have run. I’ve excused behavior I never would have tolerated from anyone else. I’ve mistaken chaos for passion, and control for protection. I’ve walked through the fire of untangling myself from someone I loved but could no longer survive.
The guilt was crushing. The self-blame. The shame of going back one more time.
But healing began when I stopped punishing myself for surviving the only way I knew how at the time. 🕊️
💬 Trauma bonds are not a sign of weakness — they are a response to deep pain. But they do not define you.
🛠️Breaking the Bond: Steps Toward Healing
Breaking free from a trauma bond is one of the most courageous things a person can do. Here are some key steps:
1. 🗣️ Name It Without Shame
Recognize the dynamic. Call it what it is. Speaking truth starts the unraveling.
2. 🚫 Go No Contact (If Possible)
Every text or call can reignite the bond. If children or shared responsibilities are involved, set firm, structured boundaries.
3. 🫂 Seek Support
Trauma-informed therapy, safe friendships, or support groups can help anchor your healing. You are not meant to do this alone.
4. 📖 Reclaim Your Narrative
Write your story — not from the lens of victimhood, but resilience. Who were you before? Who are you becoming now?
5. 🧘♀️ Rewire Your Nervous System
Use practices like breathwork, somatic therapy, EMDR, journaling, and prayer to help restore safety to your body.
6. 💞 Forgive Yourself
Not for them — for you. You did what you had to do to survive. That version of you deserves compassion, not criticism.
💗You Deserve Safe, Sacred Love
Let me say that again:
✨ You deserve love that is safe, steady, gentle, and reciprocal.
Not love that confuses you.
Not love that breaks you.
Not love that makes you beg.
Not love that costs your soul.
🌈You Are Worth the Work
If your heart aches reading this — if you're feeling seen, triggered, or tender — know this:
🕊️ You are not broken.
🛡️ You are not foolish.
🌱 You are healing.
💪 You are rising.
Healing is not linear. It ebbs and flows. You may still miss them. Still dream about them. Still wonder “what if.” That doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It means you’re in the process. And the process is sacred. Some days I feel strong and steady, other days I’m tired and weary. There are still moments that bring me to my knees, still lessons I’m learning, and wounds I’m tending to. But I know this... every day is a new chance. A gift. Forgiveness and grace have slowly mended what was once shattered. I’m showing up, putting the work in, and letting God meet me where I am.
If you’re in a season of healing, I see you. Don’t give up. Your pain is not the end of your story. There is always hope in Jesus, and He makes all things new.
I shared some of my struggles and healing journey in this deeply personal episode of Nurses Out Loud. I pray it will encourage someone today.
With love and solidarity,
Kimberly Overton, BSN, RN, BC-FMP
Founder, Remnant Healthcare
About the Author:
Kimberly Overton, BSN, RN, BC-FMP, is a Registered Nurse, entrepreneur, and fierce advocate for medical freedom and informed consent. With a background in critical care and acute patient management, she bore witness to the systemic failures of a healthcare system corrupted by profit-driven protocols—protocols that led to medical murders disguised as care.
During the COVID-19 pandemic, Kimberly made the bold decision to resign from traditional bedside nursing, standing in protest against coercive mandates, the unethical use of Remdesivir, and the rollout of dangerous, ineffective COVID “vaccines.” This defining moment propelled her to establish Nurse Freedom Network, a 501(c)(3) nonprofit dedicated to empowering nurses, safeguarding patient rights, and exposing corruption within the healthcare system.
Today, she continues her mission at the bedside as a Hospice nurse, where she brings dignity, presence, and compassion to the end-of-life journey—honoring the sacred transition and advocating for comfort, truth, and informed decisions. Her experience in hospice care further reinforces the importance of understanding every medical intervention and upholding the nurse’s role as a protector of patient safety and peace.
Expanding on her mission, she launched Remnant Healthcare, providing holistic, patient-centered alternatives that honor medical autonomy, informed consent, and compassionate care. As host of Nurses Out Loud, Kimberly amplifies the movement for healthcare reform, medical freedom, and the unwavering defense of human dignity.
Originally from Boston, Massachusetts, and now residing in Hendersonville, Tennessee, her mission is to disrupt the broken system, hold the profiteers accountable, and reclaim healthcare on a foundation of truth, ethics, and respect for human life—restoring humanity to the healing profession.
📲Connect with me and find all of our platforms in one place:
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Great reminders. And from one POV all of us alive right now are survivors of trauma.